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April 17, 2023

If you reach many people – you can’t avoid reaching people who hate you.

There is no world where 100% of people like you – even Jesus had haters.

Studies found a strong link between social media use and an increased risk for:

  • anxiety
  • self-harm
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • suicidal thoughts

Social media promotes negative thoughts like:

  • Feeling like you have a crap life
  • Feeling ugly

The way to deal with this is simple:

Stop caring what people think.

Simple – not easy.

Caring what people think leads to:

  • Mental stress
  • Self censorship
  • Low confidence
  • Hiding your true personality
  • Inability to grow an audience

If you think there’s value in caring what people think, I’ll prove why this is false.

You may think:

“Everyone’s opinion is valid”

This is false.

A 15 year old’s advice on maintaining long-term relationships is useless.

A poor person’s advice on getting rich is useless.

A morbidly obese person’s advice on fitness, health & nutrition is useless.

People online share advice and opinions on things they know nothing about – because they can.

Everybody has a voice – this doesn’t mean everybody’s voice is worth listening to.

All strangers’ opinions are equally worthless.

“If many people agree with it – it must be correct”

This is false.

Many people agreed with killing jews in Nazi Germany.

Many people agreed the earth was flat in ancient times.

Many people agree that transwomen are women.

Many people agreeing with something means many people agree with something.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Many people are misinformed, easily manipulated and stupid.

Many people agree with things because they see others agreeing with things.

This is called social proof.

Social proof is a psychological trigger that makes people copy others to fit in – because humans are social creatures.

Humans avoid being on the outside side of the group.

Many people agree with things because an authority figure said it.

This is called an appeal to authority.

The appeal to authority fallacy is the logical fallacy of thinking something’s true because an authority figure says it.

People in authority positions are still people.

People get things wrong.

It’s easy to provoke humans into tribal thinking.

Our psychology is built for tribal thinking.

Group-thinking isn’t critical thinking.

The masses are often wrong.

The masses are:

  • unhappy
  • unfit
  • unfulfilled

Why would you value their opinion highly?

“People will hate me if I share my honest thoughts”

This is true.

People will hate you for any opinion and any thought.

If you say you love Mario Kart – some miserable weirdo will hate you for it.

If you reach enough people – avoiding hate is impossible.

The thing is:

Sharing your honest thoughts makes people trust you and identify with you.

People have strong feelings towards you when you share you’re honest thoughts.

Avoiding hate means avoiding admiration.

The crazy part is:

People forget things fast.

If a mass shooting happens – people forget about it in a week.

Nobody’s paying attention to your life and actions as much as you are.

Not caring what people think is the superpower all creatives need.

Not caring what people think is the superpower that makes everybody’s life better.

Not caring what people think leads to:

  • Mental peace
  • Confidence in yourself
  • Freedom to be yourself
  • Connecting with like-minded people
  • Freedom to create without restricions
  • Freedom to share your honest thoughts

The more confident you are – the easier it is to not care what people think.

Hate comments don’t affect me because I like myself.

People calling me ugly, incel and stupid means nothing to me because I know these insults are false.

I’ve been dealing with online hate for 12+ years.

I started creating content on YouTube in 2011.

Thoughout these years I’ve read thousands of hate comments.

At first, I took the hate comments seriously.

I wondered why these people were hating on me – I analysed where I could’ve gone wrong and brought this hate on myself.

But, all that changed…

Reading thousands of hate comments led me to 2 big realisations:

  1. Hate means nothing and has no real effect
  2. Hate is more engagement – which helps promote my content

This is what drove these points home:

Creating helpful tutorial videos and still getting hate

The best part about creating helpful tutorials is the quality of the content is objective.

Your tutorial is either correct or wrong.

There’s no room for personal taste – like creating art or music.

Creating tutorials showed me something amazing:

Hundreds of comments saying “thank you”.

And tens of comments saying “it doesn’t work”.

Also:

Many comments appreciating the videos saying “thank you for explaining so well”.

And many comments complaining about aspects of the video saying “you took too long to explain”.

Seeing this helped me realise that people will hate and complain about anything.

Even if you’re correct and you’re helping people – somebody’s getting upset.

Seeing the same thing enough times made me numb to it.

I realised I couldn’t take these people seriously.

Miserable people wanna spread misery.

Now I don’t care what strangers think or say.

It means nothing to me.

I don’t need the validation and I’m confident in myself.

(being confident makes not caring what others think way easier –  getting fit  is the easiest way to build confidence and mental toughness)

I grew up in the hood.

I’ve been in real life situations where people wanna hurt me.

A miserable person online can’t say much to effect me.

The good news is:

You don’t have to spend 12+ years reading hate comments to stop caring.

You don’t need to put your life in danger.

Before we get into how to awaken your superpower of not caring…

It helps if you understand why humans care what others think:

Humans evolved to care what others think for 3 main reasons:

1. Group survival

Throughout human history, living in groups helped us survive.

Having:

  • shared resources
  • collective defense
  • cooperative hunting

Kept us alive.

Acceptance from the group was was essential to get these benefits.

2. Social status

Within groups, social status plays a crucial role in who gets the best:

  • resources
  • quality of living
  • mating opportunities

Caring about what others think helped us maintain or improve our social standing.

3. Cooperation and trust

Humans relied on cooperation for survival.

Making others like you helps:

  • build trust
  • show reliability
  • create alliances

Being an outcast was deadly.

The thing is:

These 3 survival factors don’t apply to the internet.

These 3 survival factors don’t apply to interacting with millions of people every day.

These 3 survival factors apply to your close community.

Caring about the opinions of people outside your close community is a huge weakness.

Use these steps to awaken your superpower of not caring:

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Create a list of people who matter to you

This list should include:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Loved ones
  • People you admire
  • People you respect

These are the only people’s opinions that should matter to you.

Everyone else shouldn’t be taken seriously.

You may be thinking:

“If I don’t care about strangers’ opinions I’ll miss out on constructive criticism”

This is false.

If you want constructive criticism – it’s best to ask your family, friends & people you respect.

If you’re concerned about the people close to you telling you what you wanna hear instead of the truth, then:

Pay an expert in your field for feedback.

The random opinions of thousands of people will not be filled with useful criticism.

Constructive criticism only comes from people with experience and knowledge – this is rare.

If you wanna enjoy the internet (and your life) then only value the opinions of the people in this list.

Focus on the people that like you

People who are committed to hating you are not worth the effort to persuade or convince.

There are billions of people in the world – it’s more effecient to focus on the people that like you.

People who hate on others online are miserable & mentally unstable:

They do not listen to logic.

They do not listen to reason.

They do not care about the facts.

Don’t change to appeal to haters.

Double down on being yourself and deepen the relationship with people who like you.

Turn off notifications on social media apps

Seeing hate comments pop up on your phone when you’re not mentally prepared is a great way to ruin your mood.

I turn off notifications from all apps except money apps like paypal, stripe and woocommerce.

The only notifications I need are emails and sales.

I don’t need any other app bothering me throughout the day.

It’s easier to deal with hate comments when you’re mentally prepared to deal with them.

When I check comments on YouTube or Twitter – I’m ready to see hate.

I’m prepared to see the craziest comments.

This results in me laughing at hate instead of taking hate seriously.

It’s much harder to do this when hate comments are forced into your face when you’re not expecting them.

Turning off notifications helps your mental health.

Only allow notifications from followers on twitter

I don’t allow twitter to send me any push notifications when I’m not using the app.

I also only allow notifications from followers within the app.

I had 59.8k mentions in March 2023.

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That’s 1929 comments per day.

Assuming 50% of these comments are hate (50% is a low estimate)- thats 964 hate comments every day.

The truth is:

I get 0 benefit from seeing comments from people that don’t follow me.

If they’re not a follower – they don’t like me enough for me to focus on them.

Ignoring non-followers gives you all the engagement from miserable strangers without the negative mental impact.

Treat it all as a joke

It’s not that serious.

The internet is a playground where people act crazy.

The internet is a playground where miserable people say stuff they wouldn’t dare to say in real life.

Haters only have the power you give them.

The worst thing a hater can do is lie about you.

People believing random strangers without any evidence are stupid people.

Ignore them.

The crazy part is:

People forget about mass murders in a week.

People will forget about whatever a random person online says about you.

When profiles with low followers (less than 10,000) write stuff about you on twitter – most people won’t see it.

This happens because twitter doesn’t trust your account when you have low followers and low engagement.

If you reply to (or quote it) the tweet – it gives the tweet more engagement and Twitter brings it in front of more people.

I’ve seen this in action many times:

Account with 665 followers attacks me – it gets 50 views:

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I quote one of his attacking tweets – it gets 23.8k views

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Ignoring is the best way to silence lies.

It’s all a joke.

Use hate to create content and make your fans passionate

Sharing the hate you get is great content.

It gives you the opportunity to dispute common lies or claims.

It gives you the opportunity to destroy the hater’s argument and prove your expertise.

It gives you the opportunity to promote your products and content.

https://twitter.com/JayCartere/status/1645106184016351233

It gives you the opportunity to show your audience a common enemy.

This guy called me ugly so I said this:

This tweet popped off and got loads of engagement.

People love attacking a common enemy – even better when that common enemy is a villain they feel justified in attacking.

I NEVER attack anyone online – but I don’t mind counter-attacking.

If you dish it – you gotta be prepared to take it.

It gives you the opportunity to inspire your audience to balance the hate with kindness & love.

I get a lot of hate DMs like this:

And this:

Sharing these DMs gives my audience an insight into the cost of being honest and sharing my opinions.

It gives my audience an insight into the insanity of my haters.

It gives my audience a reason to send me DMs like this:

Haters help – you couldn’t ask for a better promotion team.

Post and go

Posting and not checking the comments is the easiest way to avoid hate.

You can’t care about hate if you never see it, right?

Getting in arguments with crazy people online isn’t worth it.

The longer a thread – the less people see the later tweets.

Post your tweet, reply to followers then keep it moving.

Remember that people hating online hate themselves – pity them

Successful people don’t spend their time hating on others.

Mentally well people do not spread misery online.

Miserable people spread misery – pity them.

Your progress reminds haters of their insecurity and failure to achieve anything notable.

People are stupid – they misunderstand clear statements.

Miserable people project their thoughts, feelings and insecurities onto you.

Their words are a reflection of how much they hate themselves.

Don’t take any of it personally.

These strangers don’t know you

It’s insane to hate someone you don’t know.

Strangers online do not know you or your personality.

Most strangers judge you based on one tweet/post/interaction.

That’s not enough to understand and know someone.

The strangest part is:

Miserable weirdos will assume they know what you’re thinking.

Even when you explain what you think in no uncertain terms – they will claim you’re lying.

Miserable weirdos assume they know you better than you know yourself.

This is ridiculous.

Judgment from people who don’t know you is worthless.

Having confidence makes it easier to not care what others think.

The easiest way to build confidence is getting fit and sexy.

Getting fit and sexy gives you confidence in your body and appearance.

Getting fit and sexy gives you confidence in your mind and your ability to do hard things.

My book “ Getting Lean ” gives you everything you need to know about getting fit, sexy & confident.

And much more…

Here’s a peek at what you get:

  • The secrets to sustainable fat loss without suffering
  • Lose 20lbs in 10 weeks using my 12 Lean Nutrition Laws
  • The essential stuff you need for building your home gym
  • My “Classic Greek God” and “Trap God” home workout plans
  • The truth about the wacky exercises you see on social media
  • Should you bulk or cut? (The answer’s the same for 90% of people.)
  • The “caveman method” for creating a diet you enjoy and stick with
  • Why 97% of diets fail (and how you can avoid the same fatal mistakes)
  • 8 Iron Rules for building the perfect workout program for your body
  • How to know if you’re making good progress and how to keep advancing
  • The cardio cheat codes I use to burn 1047+ calories a day with little effort
  • How to eliminate the barriers stopping you from staying consistent in the gym
  • How many calories do you need to lose fat? How many calories do you need to gain muscle? (Hint: There’s only one way to find out.)
  • Why following the food pyramid makes you fat (discover what you should be eating instead)

Interested?

Click here to learn more:

 ​https://jaycartere.com/gettinglean 

Talk soon,

Jay

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Lose Fat. Build Muscle. Create Your Dream Body.

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